10. The Microphone Sponge
9. Mustache Protector
Strainer,” “Food Catcher” and “Flavor Saver” are hardly befitting of such a dashingly dignified show of manhood. The 1830’s brought about a breakthrough in mustache defense in the form of built-in guards for cups, spoons and bowls that would prevent the unfortunate meeting of mustaches and meals.
8. Cigarette Pack Holder
human health and well-being have grown by leaps and bounds since the mid-twentieth century, including the identification of some of the causes and contributing factors to such terrible afflictions as cancer and heart disease. In 1955, however, the link between cigarettes and the roughly 3,242,349,834,239,845 diseases they can cause had not yet been established. Smoking was, in fact, considered sexy and cool. Hence, a cigarette holder was invented that could hold AN ENTIRE PACK OF CIGARETTES, with the intention of smoking them ALL AT ONE TIME.
7. Wearable Dog House
6. Anti-Bandit Bag
the bag was snatched from the hand of the owner, a chain releases the bottom of the bag, dumping the contents on the ground. This bag offers about as much protection for your belongings as a pair of ass-less pants offers your tush against wicker furniture.
5. Cat Dusting Slippers
4. Beard Beanie
3. The Flowbee
a vacuum cleaner. This could save you a ton of cash, as long as you don’t mind looking like you got in a fight with a weed eater and lost.
2. Venetian Blind Sunglasses
wardrobe. It wasn’t pretty then, and it hasn’t gotten better with age. We can only hope that this style zombie returns to the grave.
1. The Reserve a Spot in Heaven Travel Kit
guide book. Who knew it could be so simple? And to think of all the time we spend trying to be nice and not stab people…